TO PRAY IS USELESS

 It was a cool evening and I had been hanging out, at a sleep over, with my closest friends. We had many unsettled scores as we continued to take rotations on the PS3 console. It was the game of the year FIFA 13. As we battled on with our meaningless rivalry, thoughts of spending the cold night with the interesting insatiable and inexhaustible warmth of a woman's thighs slowly crept into my mind courtesy of whispers of lust from friends and the availability of such a cold room with a 1.5 horse power split unit air conditioner system. So I picked up my phone and called me a honey, my very own numerous uno (number one), and asked her to come over so we could spend the cold night together. Its been 2 months since we last spent such moments together and my loins itched at the thoughts of such pleasures coming to fruition after so long. We were partly fasting from sex and partly enduring the lack of opportunity. You see we love to Love God but then we love to love each other a little more selfishly than we Loved God, sometimes.

 And so, as the night came I waited earnestly for my baby to come. I knew she would definitely make it cuz we wanted each other that badly. Two extra hours had long gone into the cold night when I searched for the time on my blackberry phone and it read ten minutes past 2200hrs. Thirty minutes later baby called me to tell me she couldn't make it any longer because finishing her meeting delayed her and it was too late to find any transportation. I took the disappointment in gracefully, owing to the tone of anguish I could sense in her voice. I wished her a good night's rest and broke the unfortunate news to my friends who felt bad for a nigga.

About 30 minutes later I went into the room to say my prayers and I realised how stupid I was. I had obviously given full consent to commit fornication. Lust had consumed me 100% and there was no sense in talking to God now. "The prayers of a sinner is an abomination unto God" [Cf. Proverbs 15:8]. I knew that part of scripture very well and I was certain I would deceive myself to say the rosary if I hadn't been to confession. I was a sinner full of lust and yet I wanted to do something abominable to God. Isn't it obvious? To pray is useless! Then why bother?

 So I put down my rosary, realising how futile it was to offer my prayers to God and I prepared my self to choose between sleep and  joining my friends in the living room to get more doses of FIFA 13. It so happened that in the brief moment I took a deep breath, I found myself wearing that smile I always did when a burst of ideas erupt in my ever contemplating mind. "Where sin abounded, Grace abounded even more." [Romans 5:20]. I wasn't gonna let my sins keep me away from having an opportunity to communicate with the union of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. I had to sing that beautiful litany to the Blessed Virgin Mary and I had to say many hellos and greetings to the Host of Angels and Saints in the heavenly Jerusalem, "for indeed we [including me] are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses...". My Spiritual Family who have gone before me were watching me all the while. Therefore "...let us [me too] lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." [Cf. Hebrews 12:1-2]. I had to keep on trying. I knew that if I wouldn't pray I would continue to stray and "what shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" [Romans 6:1-2]. I had done something wrong but I had the opportunity to continue fighting the unwilling me from repeating it.

At last, I took the courage and got down on my knees. Rested my elbows on the bed, clasped my hands and shut my eyes tight. I took a moment to contemplate my actions and was able to remain contrite for giving full consent to fornication. I made a vow to find my way to the confessionals as soon as possible then I open my lips to say a simple and short prayer.

"Lord Jesus, have mercy in me.

It is me again, the unholy and prodigal.

I am very sorry I did this to offend You,

Who is Holy and Kind and Beautiful.

I ask for your forgiveness for my sins

And I hope you grant me the grace

To continue to resist every near occasion of sin,

Especially those ones that constantly haunt me

In my mind and in my loin. Amen"

 I picked up my rosary and started to chant the beautiful Mysteries of Sorrow. It was a Friday night and Regina Caeli (Queen of Heaven) deserved the beautiful roses to be showered on her in every Hail Mary uttered from the chaplet of prayer.

 My friends peeped into the room and sniggered away from me. After I had finished praying I never heard the end of it from their continuous mocking. I had stood up for what I believed in yet the words of their mockery would continue to fill me with shame, and laughter too. For the things they said are those things that keep many a mind from realising they ought to find their way back to God, most especially in those moments that they have sinned.

 "If our Lord Jesus Christ had despised the shame to endure the cross for the joy of our salvation, why then would I not endure the shame to keep the joy of salvation by constant sanctification".